In the "On Sex" blog, Terry will be writing regular short pieces covering a wide range of sexual topics. There is a lot to cover, so this should keep him busy for months!
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Newcomers wanting to try anal sex are usually attracted by what they've heard about it, or are being asked by their partner to try it to expand their horizons a bit into anal play. Most of these newcomers come into this having just about no (as in zero) information at all to guide them towards it being pleasurable and enjoyable. Here are four important things to keep in mind if you want it to be enjoyable, repeatable, and something your partner will EVER let you do to them again!
1.) There are TWO sphincter muscles. The outer sphincter is a voluntary muscle, so it can be relaxed at will with some practice. The second sphincter muscle (an inch and a half inside) is just the opposite – it is an involuntary muscle like your heart, so unless the person who owns this second sphincter knows Kung Fu Martial Art Mind Control Techniques very well, you'll just have to wait for it to relax. See point number two.
2.) If the second sphincter is not relaxed, forcing entry will bruise the muscles holding it closed. This will hurt the owner of said second sphincter muscles … like, a lot! The only solution is to take things slow – very slow – waiting for the second sphincter muscle to finally relax of its own accord, that is, by itself. This can take up to twenty minutes for a beginner. Rush this step, and you may turn-off the person involved to ever trying anal sex again. See point number three.
3.) We often tell people there are two major elements to anal sex – lots of good lubrication, and lots of time! Then, more lube, followed by still more time! This waiting time is a wonderful opportunity for communication, feedback, and lots of giggles! Yes, this is a great time to take things with some lightness and fun and even some silliness. Ask questions, answer questions, move slowly. This is a learning time, as this is a whole new region of sensations for the newcomer! Take this time as an opportunity to talk about stuff, to be silly and giggly, and to try anal toys and other techniques. See point number four.
4.) Once relaxed, the potential for enormous pleasure from anal sex is quite profound. The second sphincter will eventually learn to relax much more quickly, taking cues from the first sphincter relaxing by a reflex action, but this learning can take a couple of months, and even then can be finicky, so always take it slow. Watch it when using toys not to move to fast, especially with some pointier "beginner" toys – rectal tissues are much thinner and much more fragile than are vaginal tissues. Use a lube made for anal applications, which will typically be a thicker lubricant to compensate for how absorbant the rectal walls are to moisture. Thinner lubes will have their moisture absorbed more quickly, and would need replenishing more often as a result.
So, to summarize: anal sex is a great opportunity for tons of super-stimulation (there are as many "erogenous-zone" types of nerve endings inside of there as there are in the clitoris, and far more than the penis, just to give you an idea); there are two sphincter muscles, and the second one is involuntary and definitely bruisable if not treated with care; time is the secret to getting the second sphincter to relax; and having fun is a great way to relax the entire body as well as that pesky second sphincter muscle. (Well, so is massage! Hint-hint!). Enjoy!