We frequently entertain guests who have never watched an adult movie. “How do I start?” they may ask, or “What kind of movies might my partner like?”
There are no one size fits all answers to these questions, but if you are getting started, or if you’re trying to put your current viewing habits in perspective, here are some rules to view by:
- Thou shalt freely use thy remote control, particularly the fast-forward and mute buttons.
- Thou shalt not pressure thyself nor thy partner into watching; pressure and guilt do not build intimacy or good boundaries.
- Thou shalt remember thy sense of humor and laugh if so inclined.
- Thou shalt acknowledge conflicting emotions. It is possible to be aroused and repulsed at the same time.
- Thou shalt remember that thy fantasies are fantasies and that watching them acted out on film does not make you a bad person or necessarily mean you want to act them out yourself.
- Thou shalt not become discouraged if all you seem to encounter is bad porn; keep trying and make use of available resources.
- Thou shalt, at all times, maintain an awareness of the fact that porn is artifice: the performers are waxed, shaved, made-up, surgically altered, and acting. They are not sharing intimacy, and they may not even be having fun.
- Thou shalt have higher standards for thine own intimate relations than porn star sex.
- Thou shalt not use adult video as a model for safer sex practices.
- Thou shalt bear in mind that any adult video experience is what you make of it and bring to it, for better or worse.