Bedroom Bondage and Exploring Power Exchange Play

Just about every couple into BDSM started with bedroom bondage experimentation. The question, “Would you like to try something kinky tonight?” for most newcomers pretty much always means, “Would you like to be tied up and made love to?” (or its corollary, “Would you like to tie me up and make love to me?”) Regardless of who initiates it, the result is always exciting for both partners. Role-switching of who plays submissive and  who plays Dominant is usually the next thing to be discussed, often with an uneasy partner who’s not so sure about whether they’d like that other role.

Keeping this all enjoyable and fun is the important thing. As a person relaxes into the feeling of being restrained, they usually discover new feelings, where they are giving up their control and becoming profoundly submissive in a way not experienced before. Likewise, restraining another who trusts you completely and taking complete control over their experience introduces a person to the sensations and pleasures of being a Dominant.

Here are just a couple of tips to keep this sort of fun in control and exciting for both people:

1) Get consent. Before doing anything, always talk over what is going to happen first, and get and give permissions to do only what both of you are comfortable with. There is plenty of time to experiment in the future, but keep things feeling relatively safe in the early go-rounds. The one playing the role of the Dominant must never trespass beyond these agreed upon limits. Once you both are comfortable with this type of play and trust is established, then  pushing one beyond their normal limits might be part of the playtime rules. But never assume it will be, especially you both agree for the Dominant to push such boundaries.

2) Make a plan. Before doing anything, agree on how the activities would or could stop if either of you need it. Choose safe words to indicate when the Dominant should slow down or stop whatever they’re doing. Easy safe words to remember are green, yellow, and red that mean “I’m okay,” “pause or slow down,” and “stop immediately,” respectively. If using a gag, choose an obvious hand gesture, or have the submissive hold something they can drop to say “stop.” Even if no one uses a safe word, Dominants still must check in with the submissive often.

3) Use comfortable restraints. Metal handcuffs are popular first-time bondage toys. Not to be negative, but metal handcuffs are very uncomfortable, and unless that’s part of the experience you want, there are other restraints that won’t bruise your wrists when you find yourself suddenly lying on top of your bound hands! Cloth cuffs with Velcro closures, pre-tied rope cuffs, skin-friendly bondage tape, or a  basic pair of leather wrist restraints are more comfortable and offer more creative options for restraint than metal cuffs. Even Christian in Fifty Shades of Grey used an ordinary necktie for Ana’s first bondage experience. Get creative, and think comfort.

4) Make the sensations sensational. Playing with the submissive’s five senses adds a lot to the bondage experience. A blindfold allows for many nice mind-games, not knowing where the next touch will come from. Scented massage candles incorporate smell and touch. Licking flavored lubricant off the skin can drive a partner quite crazy, while spanking or light paddling definitely establish the Dominant/submissive roles.

Fun is the operative word. We are not trying to re-enact the Spanish Inquisition here. Laugh, giggle, tickle, struggle a little bit playfully. Afterwards, talk about what you felt, what you experienced, how it went, what worked, and what didn’t work in the way you thought it would. This is an opportunity for deep rapport and communication. Have fun with this journey, and be open to each other’s fantasies.