Her Other Sweet Spot: Pleasure in the Key of G
Here at Frisky Business Boutique, G-spot questions make up a pretty big part of what we talk about with customers. In fact, because of the vast popularity of the topic, it was the theme of our second in-store class ever. Let me be clear that most of our seminar attendees fall into the categories of simply curious and eager beginners, so the following overview has a similar tone.
Let’s start with the basics. Yes, there really is a G-spot. Yes, every woman has one. Yes, that means every woman is equipped to have a G-spot orgasm. Along that line, female ejaculation is also real, but not everyone can “squirt” right off. Some need practice and muscle strengthening, as well as mental permission to relax into the infamous G-spot release.
That sounds like work, doesn’t it? Natural squirters exist, but most women need practice. Here’s what you do to find your own G-spot and learn how to use it.
First off, find it.
Where the G-spot lives can vary some from woman to woman. It is not an actual spot or bump, but rather an area that can be felt only when sexually aroused. This area is detectable when it’s engorged (filled with extra blood) as it pushes against the top of the vagina. It will feel ribbed (like a turtleneck sweater) and spongy. Usually when it’s pushed on, one will experience a sensation in the bladder, like it's too full, and one ought to go to the bathroom. All positions of the G-spot are located on the ceiling of the vaginal canal. The four possible places for a G-spot to live are:
- Just inside the canal, almost as if you were touching the backside of the clitoris from inside the vagina. The classic two-finger hook, going into the vagina only two knuckles deep and pointing toward the belly button, is the right spot for this placement. Add a movement similar to a “come here” gesture and you’ll understand the common nickname for this technique: “come hither.” About 70% of women have their G-spot here, so it’s the first place to try.
- At the very back of the vaginal canal, close to the cervix. Remember this is still a ceiling location, so for many women this will be before hitting the cervix. But for some, when they have a tilted uterus, the G-spot may be above the cervix, in the ceiling pocket created by the tilted angle of the cervix. Not everybody’s fingers are long enough to reach this location, so toys with longer necks might help you identify this G-spot. This is the second most common placement, occurring in 15% of women, and is sometimes called the posterior female prostate.
- In the middle of the vaginal ceiling, with ducts and glandular tissue spreading out slightly on either side of the middle mass. That’s why it gets called the “barbell” placement. This location is more likely to be engaged during missionary-style intercourse, so G-spot orgasms during sex are easier to have. This placement is seen far less often, in only 7-8% of women.
- Spread out along the entire ceiling of the canal. This placement of the G-spot can make focused stimulation trickier, since the whole roof of the vagina needs attention. But orgasm and female ejaculation are just as possible as any of the three other G-spot locations. Using vibrating toys might be extra helpful in this case, allowing a lot of surface area to be aroused at the same time and intensity. This final placement is the rarest, occurring in 7% of women.
What’s going on during G-spot stimulation? The G-spot is tissue wrapped around the urethral canal as it runs from the bladder to the urethral opening. It is a collection of tissue and ducts that works like the male prostate. That means it swells in size during arousal from blood rushing to the area (engorgement), and it produces fluid from its duct system that gathers in the urethral canal. This female tissue and fluid have been found to match in composition to male tissues and prostate fluid. The main differences are shape of the prostate and the number of ducts: men have 2 larger prostate ducts, while women have up to 32 smaller ducts. These small ducts are responsible for the fluid known as female ejaculation or squirting. G-spot stimulation can lead to a very showy, wet orgasm.
It is important to explain that all G-spot fluid does not squirt in the same way. There are a few common varieties, and they all count as female ejaculation. Some women shoot the fluid out forcefully, like a fire hose. Others experience a pouring effect, like spilt milk running down. Yet other women seem to weep the fluid, steady but in dribbles. Still others squirt like a water fountain: not a lot of fluid each squirt, but several squirts in a row during G-spot orgasm.
However, there are a few considerations that may affect whether a woman ejaculates with her G-orgasm or not:
Completely blocking the orgasm mentally, either out of fear of peeing on the partner, making a mess, or maybe out of shame because in the past a misinformed lover got grossed out at natural squirting abilities. Overcoming these mental blocks is key to giving oneself permission to relax into the arousal and let go into the G-spot climax. A helpful tip is to urinate before starting the G-spot play. That way one can feel confident that the bladder is empty, and the fluid released is only female ejaculate. Preparing the “scene” for a wet finish can relieve concerns as well, with towels or a plastic fitted sheet. Always try this with a partner one can really trust, relax with, and talk openly to about fears and desires.
The PC muscle isn’t strong enough to push out the fluid. This is the sex muscle we do Kegel exercises on, which allows us the power to have strong orgasms. G-spot stimulation causes prostate fluid to build up in the urethral canal, but when the PC muscle isn’t strong enough, that fluid gets dumped backwards into the bladder, called a retrograde ejaculation. The extra fluid in the bladder doesn’t hurt anything, except you and your partner won’t be able to see your ejaculation. This G-orgasm can still be a powerful feeling of release, but might cause some disappointment that there isn’t a show to watch. If this happens to you don’t give up or feel like you can’t squirt. You just need to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
Getting freaked out just before climax and quitting. A few intense sensations occur right before a G-spot orgasm, and they don’t feel anything like other kinds of climaxes. If one is not expecting them, one may read the signs wrong. Moments before ejaculation, a contraction-like feeling goes up the urethral canal, making the bladder feel full. Most women quit right here and run to the bathroom. But remember, you emptied your bladder earlier. Then, seconds before actually climaxing, most women get an electrical tingle or surge in the fingers, toes, or the top of the head, as if a body part has fallen asleep. These are called ejaculation rockets. After all the attention given to the middle part of the body, these surges don’t make sense. Many women start to panic, convinced that they’re getting dizzy or going to faint. Just ride it out, because the powerful orgasm you’ve been working on is coming any second now. Instead of freaking out, take a big cleansing breath and relax into the intensity.
Figure out what kinds of G-spot stimulation you like.
For many women the G-spot needs to be awakened to sensation. It’s a process that takes some time and practice. Your beginning sensations may range from numbness to a mild feeling to overwhelming intensity which can even be perceived as pain. The most classic starting place is a feeling that your bladder has been triggered. Because of wide variety of response, it’s a good rule of thumb to begin with gentler pressure and lower vibrations. This eases the G-spot into focused stimulation and encourages an awakening to increasing levels of pleasure.
Some women prefer to learn by themselves through solo-play, often with vibrators. Learning alone takes away the performance anxiety of a partner’s eager expectations. Vibration can help the body to relax, brings attention to the area of focus, and encourages engorgement of the part being touched which all increases the pleasure. Using a vibrator that stimulates the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time can help the body translate the new sensations faster by blending in the familiar feeling of clitoral arousal with the G-spot exploration.
Other women prefer to experiment with their partner, using fingers and intercourse. The most basic fingering technique is to use two fingers held together and bent at the second knuckle, pointing towards the vaginal ceiling. Curl these fingers smoothly toward the palm of your hand, then extend back to the original position and start over with the “come here” gesture. You can begin with a light pressure, and then increase that pressure as she becomes more excited. Variations on this classic move include: fluttering or shaking the fingers for natural vibrations, and hooking the tail of the G-spot area firmly, then dragging the bent fingers through the swollen G-spot with steady pressure. Every woman will have her own favorite fingering style, and it’s awfully fun to try out each one until settling on a winner. Another consideration is if she enjoys external stimulation to the urethral opening, or even the clitoris, during G-spot play. Sometimes that will be too much sensation, and other times it will heighten and deepen her pleasure and increase the intensity at orgasm.
A few positions for intercourse lend themselves particularly well to G-spot stimulation and possible squirting during sex: doggy style, woman on top, and standing from behind with the woman bent at the waist. (These work best for that 70% with the G-spot placement just inside the vagina.) There won’t be as much of a show, but the feeling of being ejaculated onto can be very exciting for many partners. In fact, some of those natural squirters have done this for years, never realizing the puddle underneath them was their own fluid! If a puddle is being left that looks like someone spilled a shot glass or more of fluid on the bed, then we’re talking female ejaculate.
Now you have the basics for getting started in your G-spot exploration.
Remember this is a pleasure hunt; enjoy every step of the discovery process. Play together with enthusiasm through the new and exciting world of G-arousal and G-gasm. May you breathe in relaxation and breathe out exquisite joy.
Contributed by Jace, staff member and sex educator.
- Tags: G-Spot