The 5 Things to Know about Strap-On Harnesses
Strap-on harness play is part of a healthy sex life. There are a few key things to know to get the most from your strap-on adventures.
1) Everyone uses them
Strap-on harnesses are used by people of every gender identity and sexual orientation. The harness fits around the hips and thighs to hold a dildo on the body, giving the wearer a mounted, hands-free penetration device. Strap-ons are for anal or vaginal penetration, to be the a second penis in a double penetration scenario, and can be worn to work around erectile dysfunction.
2) 3 Main Ways to Play: Jock, Thong, and Underwear
There are 3 main harness types: thong, jockstrap and underwear. Thong and jock-strap styles have straps around the waist and thighs and use an O-ring to hold the dildo in place against the wearer's pubic bone. Underwear harnesses look like regular underwear with an O-ring sewn into the front to hold a dildo. Thong and jockstrap styles have adjustable straps. Underwear harnesses come in sizes and the weight of the dildo can change the way it fits, so the correct sizing is important with this type.
3) Pick the dildo, then the harness...
The size of the dildo determines what type of harness will work best. Rubber or metal rings help hold the dildo in place. Some harnesses unsnap so the rings can be changed, but in others the rings are permanently attached. So the smart way to shop is find the toy, and then find a harness that will accommodate it.
4) ...And the Receiver picks the dildo
The number one rule for picking out a dildo for strap-on sex is that the receiving partner should have the most say in the choice. Frequently, the wearer goes for a particular look, while the receiver is drawn to a shape that appears pleasurable. These two perspectives don’t always match. One solution is to own several dildos in varying sizes, allowing for image-play for the wearer and penetrative comfort for the receiver. But ultimately, the person being penetrated gets the final say in the toy choice.
5) The first time will be silly (and that's a good thing)
Keeping a sense of humor is helpful when wearing a harness for the first time. The rig can feel awkward and getting the thrust depth right takes practice. Give yourself permission to giggle your way through learning to use it. As you gain confidence, try out different speeds, depths, and timing of thrusts. Have fun practicing and experimenting together, and don't get caught up in doing everything "right".
- Julia Eckard
